Me , Myself and I

     Wow! I’ve written a total of three blogs/posts this year! I broke my own personal record of writing only once per year. But naturally, I am writing since I have nothing better to do with my spare time. If I weren’t writing, I probably would have spent my whole day away sitting on the couch watching some T.V., reading books (currently reading "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck)  or playing with my Playstation 2. I feel that I should have a break and get in touch with the "writer" side of me.

     Firstly, Christmas in just around the corner! I generally can’t believe that it’s been another year again! Next year or school year, specifically, I will have a new circle of friends, a new and harder (yes, harder) grade level and a new year to start over. I think next year won’t be as big a blast like this year because one of my closest friends is going back to her hometown of Bacolod City (City of Smiles : D). I am really going to miss her, but we’ll still keep in touch in Yahoo! Messanger.

     Actually, I can’t believe how easily time flies. Whether you are having fun or not, time really passes by quickly. I feel that it was just yesterday that I was helping out at my mother’s store and celebrating my birthday (April 23, 2006) and it was a blast: We ordered some pizza from "Yellow Cab" and also had "Spicy Chicken Wings", both of which are my favourites. We ended the day playing a game of good ol’ 2 on 2 badminton with my three cousins. Thatw as really a fun day, I won’t soon forget!

     The year of 2006 has been like heaven to me! This is actually the best year, and yes, school year (Grade 8, Sophomore, 2nd Year, S.Y. 2006-2007) of my life. Actually the best thing about this year is my position as one of the class offcers. I have bever been elected as one of the class officers because simply, I am a shy person, I discourage anyone who has the guts to vote for me. Actually, my position is, due to my creative mind, is Director. Being a director, I have responsibilities over class plays, Christmas Parties and School Field trips., and Foundation Day.Just now, I am writing a script for a skit we’re going to present in front of teachers on the day of the Christmas Party (December 21, 2006). Come to think of it, I am writing two scripts! One for the said event and one for the class Chapel Presentation. The Class Presentation for the Christmas Party is about a rich, young girl who is very lonely due to the fact that her parents don’t have time for her because of their important jobs. "Carelessly" leaving her out of their busy lives. While the other presentation for Chapel is about a rich, spoiled girl (played by the same actress : D) who is the excact opposite of the other said girl: She is unhappy despite the fact that her parents are giving her anything they can get their hands to. She mistakes Christmas for the season of "recieving" rather than "giving" and ends up having a burned house. In the end, with the help of an orphan friend, together, they seek the real meaning of Christmas. Other than the fact that I’m one of the class officers, I’m happy to announce that I’m also in one of the school’s most elite clubs: Nouvelles. Other than the fact that I’m frustrated in myself because I’m supposed to write an article (Sports) about the school’s new coaches and I put it off ’til the last minute. I ended up passing my work later than the dead line. The result? I was not included as one of the articles in the first issue of the school newspaper which was out just last Wednesday. This is a lesson for me, which I will value. But heed my words readers: You will definitely see my name on the second issue of Nouvelles which will be published and out approximately sometime between February and March.

     Decemeber (I’m writing this December 2, 2006) is a very busy month for me. Other than the fact that I will be submitting two of the scripts which is due around next week, I also have an article due ’til the end of the month. Not only that! But I also act as the Class President’s Right hand (Haha! Can you imagine? But he’s a good friend of mine and he likes it if I make him sound more powerful), which means that I will be calculating some of the money earned from the class and divide them according to the: food we’re going to eat, prizes to give out and giveaways to remember the day by. I can tell that the money is not enough for the prizes and I haven’t decided what candies to put in the giveaway bags yet. I haven’t even assigned people for the skit yet, I haven’t memorized my skit in Chinese yet (since the skit will serve as our periodical test = 40% of our grade, which means I have to do it well, the skit will be presented on December 14, 2006. Not only that, but it is also a contest between 1st years and second years), and I haven’t quite gotten the steps on "What I’ve Been Looking For" by Ryan and Sharpay (Lucas Grabeel and Ashley Tisdale). Which I will be performing with one of my girl classmates. I don’t think she gets it either. Then again, we have a "book report" graded recitation in Filipino and English ("Good Earth" By Pearl S. Buck and "Luha ng Buwaya" by Amado V. Hernandez). Axtually I don’t mind at all reading "the Good Earth" but "Luha ng Buwaya"…. Haha! Just joking! I don’t mid reading that either, it’s just that the words are pretty tough and as you might or might not know, I am not so hot in Filipino. Speaking of Filipino, we also have a mini-book report on the said book and we have to put ourselves in the shoes of one of the book’s major characters, we have to make a diary prior to the events stated in the book. (By the way, Luha ng Buwaya has countless characters, which makes the book more interesting to read).

     Before I busy myself with all these responsibilities, let me just wish you, yes you, a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! (Well, advanced at least X D)

~Daniel Ervin "T." Chua~

December 2, 2006

P.S. I promise I’ll write another blog just before the year ends! : D

        By Chinese customs, each person is given birth with five elements. Each element has to be in balance in order to live well and harmoniously. These elements are based in what year you’re born in. But aside from your primary element, the one depending on what particular year you’re born, you still have the other elements in your character. Each of the five elements has pros and cons, ups and downs. Having too much of one element, like all things, can lead to disaster. Like for instance, having too much Metal/Gold in your character gives you a somewhat disobedient and hard-headed nature, likewise having a moderate balance of this element gives you a strong determination, a strong instinct over something you desire, an unquestioned certainty. Another example is the blazing fire. Too much of fire and you lose your temper almost instantly, which will jeopardize not only your health but also your social standing. But moderate and equal fire in your character gives you above - average leadership skills and will learn to love adventures and misadventures as well. The five Chinese elements are Fire, Metal/Gold, Water, Wood and Earth. But I, myself will focus on a particular element that I lack, or possibly have none. The element is Wood.

        I was born on the 23rd of April the year of 1992. People born under a year dominated by the Water element are clever. And that’s what I am, clever. Also, in many ways, I am like the water: letting everything pass by without breaking. I also happen to flow in too many directions. Like if I want to do something and starts doing it, at the middle, I will suddenly stop and work on the new idea that popped right out of my head. Water is also flexible, which means they adapt well in any situation or area. Like place a bowl of water under the heating stove and see that the water is slowly heating up but not breaking. Place it in a freezer and it’ll freeze but not break. Place it in a square container and see it take up it’s container’s form; not breaking. I am also like the water in a way that "I go with the flow". I follow what everyone’s doing. Like when water was placed in a shaped container and taking up it’s shape, I slowly take the shape of somebody else. I sometimes do not have originality and copy someone else’s doing. But not copying as in Plagarism or Cheating in school, but simply copy someone else’s style, copying someone’s thoughts, copying someone’s accomplishments, immitating their respectable manner. These are the reasons why I think that my water element is not at a balance, but over the line. I have too much water in myself, which is bad. Water is soft, fragile and weak. Water depends on another water to push things away. I have too much of this Water.

        Being born without Wood is hard. I tend to believe that I never had a single block of wood in my character. From when I was very small, I had been the target for bullies. They always bully me and calls me names. But despite this problem I have to face since my childhood, I never told my teacher nor my family what’s happening. I was not sure whether it was the product of my forgetful mind or just because of fear that they might beat me up or call me even more names for not being able to stand up for myself. Having no wood is also a reason why I am often confused by descisions and choices; I crack under pressure. When this happens, whether when everybody’s depending on me to win or to choose the right choice or when some people say I choose the first choice and some other people demand that I choose the second choice. I just get so confused that I just hurry up and pick a choice, not bothering about the consequences I’ll be receiving. Come to think of it, this maybe the reason why I’ve been losing great opportunities all my life; it’s because I never think for myself, I’m always thinking about everybody else, how they see me. From back then also, I never had confidence in my self. I feel confused at times I think about this: When I know I do not have a particular thing that some people posess or when I have to perform in front of everybody, I grow small, so small that you can only see my shame, my pettiness, my disappointment, my weaknesses and my under confidence. On the other hand, seeing something I done that I know nobody else could do, and having to do something great from people’s backs, aways from prying eyes, I grow so big that you could see evreything inside of me that moment: my happiness, my pride, my honor, my superiority, my over - confidence; I grow so big that you could see far bigger things than all of these combined. So whether I have confidence or not I still do not know. But I know one sad thing for sure, when someone criticizes my work, I begin to tear apart,  break, not all at once, not all together but piece by piece. That is the nature of the Wood. People born under the sign of Wood have high self - confidence in themselves, they crave for respect, honor and treat each criticism as compliment to continue on with their journey, they are progressive. That’s why the tree and Wood grow strong and straight. Criticisms make them stronger. As for having no Wood at all, these criticisms are often mistaken to be insults which is a lot worse. So this is another reason why I give in to blackmails or to persuasive measures. I am weak. I do not have power to say "NO". If I do say no, I look at their dissapointed face and instantly say "okay, I’ll do it". I often give in to peer pressure, and end up treating everyone something, and then feel surprised and helpless when I used up all my money for them that I didn’t have enough money for myself. I am afraid of them, of what they think about or will think about me. But they’re now thinking that I am weak and manipulative, and I do not want them to think that about me. I am living under their shadow.Seeing but not beeing seen, quietly waiting in the dark, thinking of my next move.

        I am now confused, looking through these thoughts. I do not know my next move anymore. Perhaps this is just me - always depending on other people to live, to not to fail, to fall miserably. Just like the water, I depend on a container to stop me from falling. I do not think I can be stronger, I do not think I can overcome this problem. Perhaps this is just fate.

        But now, I am older and can fully understand these things, I feel that I should do something, and yet I do not do anything. I always allowed myself to be bullied, looked down and stepped on. Maybe this is because of my innocence. When you lack Wood, you tend to be innocent. You trust everybody, never doubting anyone that they may be pulling you down, making you fall until you can no longer see light, all you see is darkness. Then, you tend to be confused and then you bend to his will. You’ve just been manipulated. Having without Wood plays it easy, never taking chances, never choosing risks, not knowing that he is lost. Lost between what everybody’s saying and doing, then he starts doing, immitating everyone else. never thinking about himself, the consequences he’ll be getting.

        So now I know, I should listen to both my parents. I know the only way to grow strong and straight is to follow them standing next to you. Both of my parents are born under the year of Wood. I know their confidence, I know their pride, their strength, their unwillingness to bend to other people’s will. Thinking this, I know I should have more willfull thoughts. Thoughts filled with more "wont’s" then "will’s". Deep down, I know I am strong, I know I have the power to say "no". But deeper down lies my weakness: my fear. And even deeper down lies my innocence, my trust. I must learn to put these things in balance, all of them. To balance these weaknesses, these strengths, then my fears, then my elements. After all these are done, and I no longer fear anything, I can live harmoniously. After I live harmoniously I will know what I worth, how much I’m worth. That I am not good enough for anyone bullying me around. Then, I will learn to stand up for myself. Then I will come to say more "no’s" in my life. Finally, everyone will know what I’m worth and they’ll know me, my power, the power of my words. They’ll be shocked to feel afraid of my words, for my words will be that strong. As for my innocence, I’ll remember what I heard or read from someone or something. "Learn to shed your innocence in this cruel world. Shed your innocence but not hope. Learn to live life and laugh forever"

Hi! It’s me again! It’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog here at my account on Friendster. So I decided to write one again, today on August 21, 2006.

        On our English subject at school, we are instructed to read a particular book. And our English teacher, Mrs. Ugalingan, is going to grade us according to our process. This particular boook is entitled "The Joy Luck Club". The Author of the said book is Amy Tan. Mom often collected her books and I already read some such as The Bonesetter’s Daughter, The Kitchen God’s Wife and Sagwa : The Chinese Siamese Cat. And I must say, they are outstanding. Tan often writes about Chinese culture through American books. I can relate to this because I, myself, is a Chinese. I love to lean more about myself (as a Chinese) and my motherland which is China. The book itself is written wonderfully. Tan uses everyday words so that reader’s won’t get bored because they can’t understand the book.

        The "Joy Luck" Club is about 4 mothers : Suyuen Woo, An Mei Hsu, Lindo Jong and Ying - Ying St. Clair and their 4 daughters : Jing Mei "June" Woo, Rose Hsu Jordan, Waverly Jong and Lena St. Clair. The mothers are from China and the daughters are raised in America. Because of this, the daughters are exposed to American heritage. They rather throw away their Chinese heritage than to live the American Life. The mothers all came from China due to the ongoing war between China and Japan. They all stayed in the Unites States of America because they thought living here will be a much better and safer place. That’s when the "Joy Luck" Club is formed. Suyuen Woo (who later on, sadly died because of mental aneurysm) founded this group composed of four women. All of them, throughout one particular night, should eat and drink and be merry and should tell great stories of what happened and what is yet to happen. Stories about happiness and merryment (joy) and stories about good fortune and adundance (luck). Thus, forming the name "Joy Luck" Club. Thinking a bad thought is strictly forbidden. Snacks and Chinese delicasies are served throughout the night, such as Siomai, wanton, Black Bean Soup and so much more. When the clock strikes 12:00 all of them sits at the MahJong Table and their journey towards their past lives begins. Long ago, Suyuen Woo bought a swan in China, All of the swan’s feathers represent different memories. She plans to take it to America; her new home, her new land. To try and cherish the memories she had in her mainland; China; a souveneir perhaps. But the immigration officials took the beautiful creature away. Leaving all of their memories behind; the pain, the love, the laughter. All that’s left is a single feather. Feathers from a Thousand Li Away. This feather possibly contains every memory Suyuen Woo can remember. She gives it to her daughter and instruced her to pass it down throughout the ages, on and on untill the very last generation. Jing Mei Woo should never forget who she really is; not just an American but as a Chinese as well. This she remembers while playing Mah Jong, taking her mother’s place on the table. On the East, where all things begin…

           I’m totally crazy about music and I dont know why! I really cant stand a day without hearing I’m a Slave 4 u ,Lucky ,You Drive me (Crazy) and lots more….My day really isn’t complete without them. Whenever I got home from my tutor ,I always open the T.V. ,forgetting about eating my dinner, then turns the channel to 89 or sometimes 90 (Destiny Cable) These two channels are two and only two of my favorites.

          This month’s featured artist is the Back Eyed Peas with their smash hit "Dont Phunk With My heart". I think I should go out now and buy their "Monkey Business" for myself or maybe not. (^ ^,) Mom will never let me buy it because she already gave me money for Britney’s my Perogative…Greatest Hits 2004 and she’ll blow her top if I ask her to buy me another original CD! Oh well! That’s Life! (^_^)

          Well, anyways today’s saturday which means another boaring day at home! I mean, other kids would rather stay at home to play or surf the net but I really miss my friends at school.I also miss the teachers and the subjects.Well on the bright side,Sunday’s near and my boredom will slowly turn to excitement when tommorow comes.With my auntie here,(She’s an OFW or an overseas foreign worker) we will go to all sorts of places such as SM ,Rockwell and my fave Makati. I’ll just to have keep my fingers cross for her to buy me something (^v^).